Emotional Intelligence

 

In 1990, in my role as a science reporter at The New York Times, I chanced upon an article in a small academic journal by two psychologists, John Mayer, now at the University of New Hampshire, and Yale’s Peter Salovey. Mayer and Salovey offered the first formulation of a concept they called “emotional intelligence.”

Those were days when the preeminence of IQ as the standard of excellence in life was unquestioned; a debate raged over whether it was set in our genes or due to experience. But here, suddenly, was a new way of thinking about the ingredients of life success. I was electrified by the notion, which I made the title of this book in 1995. Like Mayer and Salovey, I used the phrase to synthesize a broad range of scientific findings, drawing together what had been separate strands of research – reviewing not only their theory but a wide variety of other exciting scientific developments, such as the first fruits of the nascent field of affective neuroscience, which explores how emotions are regulated in the brain.

I remember having the thought, just before this book was published ten years ago, that if one day I overheard a conversation in which two strangers used the phrase emotional intelligence and both understood what it meant, I would have succeeded in spreading the concept more widely into the culture. Little did I know.

The phrase emotional intelligence, or its casual shorthand EQ, has become ubiquitous, showing up in settings as unlikely as the cartoon strips Dilbert and Zippy the Pinhead and in Roz Chast’s sequential art in The New Yorker. I’ve seen boxes of toys that claim to boost a child’s EQ; lovelorn personal ads sometimes trumpet it in those seeking prospective mates. I once found a quip about EQ printed on a shampoo bottle in my hotel room.

And the concept has spread to the far corners of our planet. EQ has become a word recognized, I’m told, in languages as diverse as German and Portuguese, Chinese, Korean, and Malay. (Even so, I prefer EI as the English abbreviation for emotional intelligence.) My e-mail inbox often contains queries, from, for example, a doctoral student in Bulgaria, a school teacher in Poland, a college student in Indonesia, a business consultant in South Africa, a management expert in the Sultanate of Oman, an executive in Shanghai. Business students in India read about EI and leadership; a CEO in Argentina recommends the book I later wrote on the topic. I’ve also heard from religious scholars within Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism that the concept of EI resonates with outlooks in their own faith.

Most gratifying for me has been how ardently the concept has been embraced by educators, in the form of programs in “social and emotional learning or SEL. Back in 1995 I was able to find only a handful of such programs teaching emotional intelligence skills to children. Now, a decade later, tens of thousands of schools worldwide offer children SEL. In the United States many districts and even entire states currently make SEL curriculum requirement, mandating that just as students must attain a certain level of competence in math and language, so too should they master these essential skills for living.

In Illinois, for instance, specific learning standards in SEL abilities have been established for every grade from kindergarten through the last year of high school. To give just one example of a remarkably detailed and comprehensive curriculum, in the early elementary years students should learn to recognize and accurately label their emotions and how they lead them to act. By the late elementary years lessons in empathy should make children able to identify the nonverbal clues to how someone else feels; in junior high they should be able to analyze what creates stress for them or what motivates their best performance. And in high school the SEL skills include listening and talking in ways that resolve conflicts instead of escalating them and negotiating for win-win solutions.

Around the world Singapore has undertaken an active initiative in SEL, as have some schools in Malaysia, Hong Kong, Japan, and Korea. In Europe, the U.K. Has led the way, but more than a dozen other countries have schools that embrace EI, as do Australia and New Zealand, and here and there countries in Latin America and Africa. In 2002 UNESCO began a worldwide initiative to promote SEL, sending a statement of ten basic principles for implementing SEL to the ministries of education in 140 countries.

In some states and nations, SEL has become the organizing umbrella under which are gathered programs in character education, violence prevention, antibullying, drug prevention and school discipline. The goal is not just to reduce these problems among schoolchildren but to enhance the school climate and, ultimately, students’ academic performance.

In 1995, I outlined the preliminary evidence suggesting that SEL was the active ingredient in programs that enhance children’s learning while preventing problems such as violence. Now the case can be made scientifically: helping children improve their self-awareness and confidence, manage their disturbing emotions and impulses, and increase their empathy pays off not just in improved behavior but in measurable academic achievement.

This is the big news contained in a recently completed meta-analysis of 668 evaluation studies of SEL programs for children from preschoolers through high school. The massive survey was conducted by Roger Weissberg, who directs the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning at the University of Illinois at Chicago – the organization that has led the way in bringing SEL into schools worldwide.

The data show that SEL programs yielded a strong benefit in academic accomplishment, as demonstrated in achievement test results and grade-point averages. In participating schools, up to 50 percent of children showed improved achievement scores and up to 38 percent improved their grade-point averages. SEL programs also made schools safer: incidents of misbehavior dropped by an average of 28 percent; suspensions by 44 percent; and other disciplinary actions by 27 percent. At the same time, attendance rates rose, while 63 percent of students demonstrated significantly more positive behavior. In the world of social science research, these remarkable results for any program promoting behavioral change, SEL had delivered on its promise.

In 1995 I also proposed that a good part of the effectiveness of SEL came from its impact in shaping children’s developing neural circuitry, particularly the executive functions of the prefrontal cortex, which manage working memory – what we hold in mind as we learn – and inhibit disruptive emotional impulses. Now the first preliminary scientific evidence for that notion has arrived. Mark Greenberg of Pennsylvania State University. A codeveloper of the PATHS curriculum in SEL, reports not only that the program for elementary school students boasts academic achievement but, even more significantly, that much of the increased learning can be attributed to improvements in attention and working memory, key functions of the prefrontal cortex. This strongly suggests that neuroplasticity, the shaping of the brain through repeated experience, plays a key role in the benefits from SEL.

Perhaps the biggest surprise for me has been the impact of EI in the world of business, particularly in the areas of leadership and employee development (a form of adult education). The Harvard Business Review has hailed emotional intelligence as “a ground-breaking, paradigm-shattering idea,” one of the most influential business ideas of the decade.

Such claims in the business world too often prove to be fads, with no real underlying substance. But here a far-flung network of researchers has been at work, ensuring that the application of EI will be grounded in solid data. The Rutgers University-based Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations (CREIO) has led the way in catalyzing this scientific work, collaborating with organizations that range from the Office of Personnel Management in the federal government to American Express.

Today companies worldwide routinely look through the lens of EI in hiring, promoting, and developing their employees. For instance, Johnson and Johnson (another CREIO member) found that in divisions around the world, those identified at mid career as having high leadership potential were far stronger in EI competencies than were their less-promising peers. CREIO continues to foster such research, which can offer evidence-based guidelines for organizations seeking to enhance their ability to achieve their business goals or fulfill a mission.

Welcome to the website and blog of psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestsellerEmotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Dr. Goleman is an internationally known psychologist who lectures frequently to professional groups, business audiences, and on college campuses. Working as a science journalist, Goleman reported on the brain and behavioral sciences for The New York Times for many years. His 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books) was on The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half; with more than 5,000,000 copies in print worldwide in 40 languages, and has been a best seller in many countries

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Five Key Skills for Raising Emotional Intelligence

When it comes to happiness and success in life, emotional intelligence (EQ) matters just as much as intellectual ability (IQ). Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your career and personal goals. Learn more about why emotional intelligence is so important and how you can boost your own EQ by mastering five core skills.

IN THIS ARTICLE:

§  What is emotional intelligence?

§  How to raise your emotional intelligence

§  Rapidly reduce stress

§  Connect to your emotions

§  Improve nonverbal communication

§  Use humor to deal with challenges

§  Resolve conflict positively

  

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others.

If you have a high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and the emotional states of others and engage with people in a way that draws them to you. You can use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships, achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

§  Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

§  Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

§  Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

§  Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Why is emotional intelligence (EQ) so important?

As we know, it’s not the smartest people that are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual intelligence or IQ isn’t enough on its own to be successful in life. IQ can help you get into college but it’s EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions of sitting your final exams.

Emotional intelligence affects:

§  Your performance at work. Emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring.

§  Your physical health. If you’re unable to manage your stress levels, it can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to relieve stress.

§  Your mental health. Uncontrolled stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand and manage your emotions, you’ll also be open to mood swings, while an inability to form strong relationships can leave you feeling lonely and isolated.

§  Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you’re better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.

How to raise your emotional intelligence

All information to the brain comes through our senses and when this information is overwhelmingly stressful or emotional, instinct will take over and our ability to act will be limited to the flight, fight, or freeze response. Therefore, to have access to the wide range of choices and make good decisions, we need to be able to bring our emotions into balance at will.

Memory is also strongly linked to emotion. By learning to use the emotional part of your brain as well as the rational, you’ll not only expand your range of choices when it comes to responding to a new event, you’ll also factor emotional memory into your decision-making. This will help prevent you from continually repeating earlier mistakes.

To improve your emotional intelligence—and your decision-making abilities—you need to understand and control the emotional side of your brain. This is done by developing five key skills. By mastering the first two skills, you’ll find skills 3, 4, and 5 much easier to learn.

Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:

§  Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.

§  Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.

§  Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.

§  Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.

§  Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence.

How to learn the five key skills of emotional intelligence

The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at any time. But there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack your best intentions.

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to experience and practice the skills in your everyday life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress

High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, getting in the way of your ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of your own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly.

Being able to quickly calm yourself down and relieve stress helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face or how stressful a situation becomes.

Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment

Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:

§  Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of your physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.

§  Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. If you tend to become angry or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet you down. If you tend to become depressed or withdrawn, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. If you tend to freeze—speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others—you need stress relief activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.

§  Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is by engaging one or more of your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to you. For example, if you’re a visual person you can relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to sound, you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain helps to quickly reduce your stress levels.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Emotional awareness

Being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions—is the key to understanding yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. This may be the result of negative childhood experiences that taught you to try to shut off your feelings. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?

§  Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?

§  Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?

§  Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?

§  Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?

§  Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

Developing emotional awareness

Emotional awareness can be learned at any time of life. If you haven’t learned how to manage stress, it’s important to do so first. When you can manage stress, you’ll feel more comfortable reconnecting to strong or unpleasant emotions and changing the way you experience and respond to your feelings.

You can develop your emotional awareness by learning the mindfulness meditation in Helpguide’s freeBring Your Life into Balance toolkit that helps you to get in touch with difficult emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings.

Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication

Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Often, what you say is less important than how you say it or the other nonverbal signals you send out—the gestures you make, the way you sit, how fast or how loud you talk, how close you stand, how much eye contact you make. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, you need to be aware of and in control of this body language. You also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send you.

These messages don’t stop when someone stops speaking. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling the opposite. Your nonverbal messages can produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection—or they can generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Tips for improving nonverbal communication

Successful nonverbal communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your own emotions, and understand the signals you’re sending and receiving. When communicating:

§  Focus on the other person. If you are planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation.

§  Make eye contact. Eye contact can communicate interest, maintain the flow of a conversation, and help gauge the other person’s response.

§  Pay attention to nonverbal cues you’re sending and receiving, such as facial expression, tone of voice, posture and gestures, touch, and the timing and pace of the conversation.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings your nervous system back into balance.

Playful communication broadens your emotional intelligence and helps you:

§  Take hardships in stride. By allowing you to view your frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable you to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.

§  Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps you say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.

§  Simultaneously relax and energize yourself. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes your body, which allows you to recharge and accomplish more.

§  Become more creative. When you loosen up, you free yourself of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing you to get creative and see things in new ways.

How to develop playful communication:

It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side.

§  Try setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes.

§  Find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature.

§  Practice by playing with animals, babies, young children, and outgoing people who appreciate playful banter.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively

Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.

Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:

§  Stay focused in the present. When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, you can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.

§  Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.

§  Forgive. Other people’s hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up the urge to punish or seek revenge.

§  End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.

 

 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Definitions, History, and Measures of Emotional Intelligence

By Kendra Cherry, About.com Guide

Ads:

Emotional intelligence involves our ability to understand, express, and control our emotions.

Image: Pop Catalin

"All learning has an emotional base."
-- Plato

The ability to express and control our own emotions is important, but so is our ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others. Imagine a world where you couldn't understand when a friend was feeling sad or when a co-worker was angry. Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence, and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ. Learn more about exactly what emotional intelligence is, how it works, and how it is measured.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others claim it is an inborn characteristic.

Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence. In their influential article "Emotional Intelligence," they defined emotional intelligence as, "the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" (1990).

The Four Branches of Emotional Intelligence

Salovey and Mayer proposed a model that identified four different factors of emotional intelligence: the perception of emotion, the ability reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotion and the ability to manage emotions.

1.        Perceiving Emotions: The first step in understanding emotions is to accurately perceive them. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions.

2.        Reasoning With Emotions: The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention.

3.        Understanding Emotions: The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his way to work that morning or that he's been fighting with his wife.

4.        Managing Emotions: The ability to manage emotions effectively is a key part of emotional intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others are all important aspect of emotional management.

According to Salovey and Mayer, the four branches of their model are, "arranged from more basic psychological processes to higher, more psychologically integrated processes. For example, the lowest level branch concerns the (relatively) simple abilities of perceiving and expressing emotion. In contrast, the highest level branch concerns the conscious, reflective regulation of emotion" (1997).

A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence

·         1930s – Edward Thorndike describes the concept of "social intelligence" as the ability to get along with other people.

·         1940s – David Wechsler suggests that affective components of intelligence may be essential to success in life.

·         1950s – Humanistic psychologists such as Abraham Maslow describe how people can build emotional strength.

·         1975 - Howard Gardner publishes The Shattered Mind, which introduces the concept ofmultiple intelligences.

·         1985 - Wayne Payne introduces the term emotional intelligence in his doctoral dissertation entitled "A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire (theory, structure of reality, problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning in/coming out/letting go)."

·         1987 – In an article published in Mensa Magazine, Keith Beasley uses the term "emotional quotient." It has been suggested that this is the first published use of the term, although Reuven Bar-On claims to have used the term in an unpublished version of his graduate thesis.

·         1990 – Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer publish their landmark article, "Emotional Intelligence," in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.

·         1995 - The concept of emotional intelligence is popularized after publication of psychologist and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Measuring Emotional Intelligence

"In regard to measuring emotional intelligence – I am a great believer that criterion-report (that is, ability testing) is the only adequate method to employ. Intelligence is an ability, and is directly measured only by having people answer questions and evaluating the correctness of those answers." --John D. Mayer

·         Reuven Bar-On's EQ-i
A self-report test designed to measure competencies including awareness, stress tolerance, problem solving, and happiness. According to Bar-On, “Emotional intelligence is an array of noncognitive capabilities, competencies, and skills that influence one’s ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures.”

·         Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale (MEIS)
An ability-based test in which test-takers perform tasks designed to assess their ability to perceive, identify, understand, and utilize emotions.

·         Seligman Attributional Style Questionnaire (SASQ)
Originally designed as a screening test for the life insurance company Metropolitan Life, the SASQ measures optimism and pessimism.

·         Emotional Competence Inventory (ECI)
Based on an older instrument known as the Self-Assessment Questionnaire, the ECI involves having people who know the individual offer ratings of that person’s abilities on a number of different emotional competencies.

References

_{Beasley, K. (1987) "The Emotional Quotient." Mensa Magazine - United Kingdom Edition}

_{Gardner, H. (1975) The Shattered Mind, New York: Knopf.}

_{Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam.}

_{Hein, S. "Emotional Intelligence." Found online at http://eqi.org/.}

_{Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2000). Models of emotional intelligence. In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.). Handbook of Intelligence (pp. 396-420). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.}

_{Payne, W.L. (1985). A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire (theory, structure of reality, problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning in/comingout/letting go). A Doctoral Dissertation. Cincinnati, OH: The Union For Experimenting Colleges And Universities}

_{Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, cognition, and personality, 9(3), 185-211.}

_{Thorndike, R. L., & Stein, S. (1937). An evaluation of the attempts to measure social intelligence. Psychological Bulletin, 34, 275-284.}

_{Wechsler, D. (1940). Nonintellective factors in general intelligence. Psychological Bulletin, 37, 444-445.}

Emotional Intelligence

Developing Strong "People Skills"

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Develop your emotional intelligence with James Manktelow 
and Amy Carlson.

We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we're not offended or upset. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

We probably also know people who are masters at managing their emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence, or EI. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others.

Would you like to be more like this?

As more and more people accept that emotional intelligence is just as important to professional success as technical ability, organizations are increasingly using EI when they hire and promote.

For example, one large cosmetics company recently revised their hiring process for salespeople to choose candidates based on emotional intelligence. The result? Salespeople hired with the new system have sold, on average, $91,000 more than salespeople selected under the old system. There has also been significantly lower staff turnover among the group chosen for their emotional intelligence.

So, what exactly is emotional intelligence, and what can you do to improve yours?

What is Emotional Intelligence?

We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. Emotional intelligence also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively.

People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. Why? Because they're the ones that others want on their team. When people with high EI send an email, it gets answered. When they need help, they get it. Because they make others feel good, they go through life much more easily than people who are easily angered or upset.

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define emotional intelligence:

1.        Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control. 

They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.

2.        Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.

3.        Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.

4.        Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.

5.        Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.

As you've probably determined, emotional intelligence can be a key to success in your life – especially in your career. The ability to manage people and relationships is very important in all leaders, so developing and using youremotional intelligence can be a good way to show others the leader inside of you.

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

The good news is that emotional intelligence CAN be taught and developed. Many books and tests are available to help you determine your current EI, and identify where you may need to do some work. You can also use these tips:

·         Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place, and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.

·         Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on them, and don't worry too much about getting praise for yourself.

·         Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life.

·         Examine how you react to stressful situations. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued – in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when things go wrong.

·         Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly – don't ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

·         Examine how your actions will affect others – before you take those actions. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?

See our article on Emotional Intelligence in Leadership for specific tips related to that role.

Key Points

Although "regular" intelligence is important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals. Many people believe that emotional intelligence is at least as important as regular intelligence, and many companies now use EI testing to hire new staff.

Emotional intelligence is an awareness of your actions and feelings – and how they affect those around you. It also means that you value others, listen to their wants and needs, and are able to empathize or identify with them on many different levels.

emotional intelligence (EQ)

emotional intelligence theory (EQ - Emotional Quotient)

Emotional Intelligence - EQ - is a relatively recent behavioural model, rising to prominence with Daniel Goleman's 1995 Book called 'Emotional Intelligence'. The early Emotional Intelligence theory was originally developed during the 1970s and 80s by the work and writings of psychologists Howard Gardner (Harvard), Peter Salovey (Yale) and John 'Jack' Mayer (New Hampshire). Emotional Intelligence is increasingly relevant to organizational development and developing people, because the EQ principles provide a new way to understand and assess people's behaviours, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential. Emotional Intelligence is an important consideration in human resources planning, job profiling, recruitment interviewing and selection, management development, customer relations and customer service, and more.

Emotional Intelligence links strongly with concepts of love and spirituality: bringing compassion and humanity to work, and also to 'Multiple Intelligence' theory which illustrates and measures the range of capabilities people possess, and the fact that everybody has a value.

The EQ concept argues that IQ, or conventional intelligence, is too narrow; that there are wider areas of Emotional Intelligence that dictate and enable how successful we are. Success requires more than IQ (Intelligence Quotient), which has tended to be the traditional measure of intelligence, ignoring essential behavioural and character elements. We've all met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and inter-personally inept. And we know that despite possessing a high IQ rating, success does not automatically follow.

Different approaches and theoretical models have been developed for Emotional Intelligence. This summary article focuses chiefly on the Goleman interpretation. The work of Mayer, Salovey and David Caruso (Yale) is also very significant in the field of Emotional Intelligence, and will in due course be summarised here too.

emotional intelligence - two aspects

This is the essential premise of EQ: to be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one's own emotions, and those of other people. EQ embraces two aspects of intelligence:

·         Understanding yourself, your goals, intentions, responses, behaviour and all.

·         Understanding others, and their feelings.

emotional intelligence - the five domains

Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EQ as:

1.      Knowing your emotions.

2.      Managing your own emotions.

3.      Motivating yourself.

4.      Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.

5.      Managing relationships, i.e., managing the emotions of others.

Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from numerous other branches of behavioural, emotional and communications theories, such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Transactional Analysis, and empathy. By developing our Emotional Intelligence in these areas and the five EQ domains we can become more productive and successful at what we do, and help others to be more productive and successful too. The process and outcomes of Emotional Intelligence development also contain many elements known to reduce stress for individuals and organizations, by decreasing conflict, improving relationships and understanding, and increasing stability, continuity and harmony.

emotional intelligence competence framework, case studies, examples, tools, tests, information and related theory references

The following excellent free Emotional Intelligence materials in pdf file format (Acrobat Reader required to view) are provided with permission of Daniel Goleman on behalf of theConsortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence, which is gratefully acknowledged:

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The Emotional Competence Framework - a generic EQ competence framework produced by Daniel Goleman and CREI covering in summary:

·         personal competence - self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation

·         social competence - social awareness, social skills

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'Emotional Intelligence: what is it and why it matters'. An excellent information paper by Dr Cary Cherniss originally presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology, in New Orleans, April 2000. This is a detailed history and explanation of Emotional Intelligence.

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The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence - a paper by Dr Cary Cherniss featuring 19 referenced business and organizational case studies demonstrating how Emotional Intelligence contributes to corporate profit performance. The paper is an excellent tool which trainers, HR professionals and visionaries can use to help justify focus, development, assessment, etc., of EQ in organizations.

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Guidelines for Promoting Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace - a paper chiefly constructed by Cary Cherniss and Daniel Goleman featuring 22 guidelines which represent the best current knowledge relating to the promotion of EQ in the workplace, summarised as:

paving the way

·         assess the organization's needs

·         assessing the individual

·         delivering assessments with care

·         maximising learning choice

·         encouraging participation

·         linking goals and personal values

·         adjusting individual expectations

·         assessing readiness and motivation for EQ development

doing the work of change

·         foster relationships between EQ trainers and learners

·         self-directed change and learning

·         setting goals

·         breaking goals down into achievable steps

·         providing opportunities for practice

·         give feedback

·         using experiential methods

·         build in support

·         use models and examples

·         encourage insight and self-awareness

encourage transfer and maintenance of change (sustainable change)

·         encourage application of new learning in jobs

·         develop organizational culture that supports learning

evaluating the change - did it work?

·         evaluate individual and organizational effect

More information about Emotional Intelligence, plus details of EQ tests, EQ training and EQ development in general are available at the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations.

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tips on how to explain emotional intelligence - perspectives and examples

As mentioned above, Daniel Goleman's approach to Emotional Intelligence is not the only one. The work of Mayer, Salovey and Caruso is also very significant in the field of Emotional Intelligence and can be explored further on John Meyer's Emotional Intelligence website.

When teaching or explaining Emotional Intelligence it can be helpful to the teacher and learners to look at other concepts and methodologies, many of which contain EQ elements and examples.

Emotional Intelligence tests/activities/exercises books - for young people ostensibly, but just as relevant to grown-ups - provide interesting and useful exercises, examples, theory, etc., for presentations and participative experience if you are explaining EQ or teaching a group. For example '50 Activities For Teaching Emotional Intelligence' by Dianne Schilling - my copy was published by Innerchoice Publishing - ISBN 1-56499-37-0, if you can find it. Otherwise look at Amazon and search for 'activities for teaching emotional intelligence').

There's a very strong link between EQ and TA (Transactional Analysis). To understand and explain EQ you can refer to the 'adult' aspect of the TA model (for example, we are less emotional intelligent/mature when slipping into negative child or parent modes). In this way we can see that one's strength in EQ is certainly linked to personal experience, especially formative years.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is very relevant to EQ, as is Multiple Intelligences Theory.

Ethical business and socially responsible leadership are strongly connected to EQ.

So is the concept of love and spirituality in organisations. Compassion and humanity are fundamental life-forces; our Emotional Intelligence enables us to appreciate and develop these vital connections between self, others, purpose, meaning, existence, life and the world as a whole, and to help others do the same.

People with strong EQ have less emotional 'baggage', and conversely people with low EQ tend to have personal unresolved issues which either act as triggers (see Freud/Penfield TA roots explanation) or are constants in personality make-up.

Cherie Carter-Scott's 'If Life Is Game' and Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements' also provide excellent additional EQ reference perspectives.

Empathy and active interpretive modes of listening are also very relevant to EQ.

Ingham and Luft's Johari Window and associated exercises on the free team building games section also help explain another perspective. That is, as a rule, the higher a person's EQ, the less insecurity is likely to be present, and the more openness will be tolerated.

High EQ = low insecurity = more openness.

A person's preparedness to expose their feelings, vulnerabilities, thoughts, etc., is a feature of EQ. Again the converse applies. Johari illustrates this very well (see the Johari Window diagram pdf also).

Maslow' theory is also relevant to Emotional Intelligence. Self-actualizers naturally have stronger EQ. People struggling to meet lower order needs - and arguably even middle order needs such as esteem needs - tend to have lower EQ than self-actualizers. The original 5 stage Hierarchy of Needs explains that all needs other than self-actualization are deficiency drivers, which suggest, in other words, some EQ development potential or weakness.

There is a strong thread of EQ running through Stephen Covey's 7 Habits.

In fact, most theories involving communications and behaviour become more powerful and meaningful when related to Emotional Intelligence, for example:

·         Leadership

·         Buying Facilitation®

·         Benziger Thinking Styles and Assessment Model

·         McGregor XY Theory

Emotion: an often-neglected, yet significant component of our psychological configuration

Our psychological configuration consists of several components, all of which are interrelated:

1.     The spiritual component, as we say the fitrah, which naturally predisposes us with an inclination towards God and good.

2.     The cognitive component, which assumes all types of mental processes we can have.

3.     The emotional component, which covers the range of emotions we experience, such as anger, sadness, fear, shame, and guilt.

The purpose of this article is to focus exclusively on the emotional component, as it is oft-neglected amongst Muslims; indeed our community habitually focuses on our spiritual and cognitive components instead. This imbalance is significant for two reasons:

First of all, I contend that many – if not most – of the problems we face as individuals can directly be related to our emotional regulation.

Second of all, by neglecting the emotional component, we undervalue the emotional intelligence of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him), who was a mercy to mankind on the basis of all three components combined. We consequently overlook his emotional character, perhaps even reducing him to a man of rules and regulations devoid of any feelings at all. An ayah that specifically highlights this trait was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which Allah says:

“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].”(Quran, 3:159)

The ayah (verse) demonstrates how the Prophet ﷺ was perfectly attuned to the emotional state of his followers– had it been otherwise, his companions would have disbanded. Indeed, the Prophet ﷺ  knew very well the importance of recognizing our emotions; his life was the quintessential example of emotional expression – when and how to express them – with the ultimate objective of developing our emotional intelligence.

What is the emotional component?

The experience of emotions is inevitable. Thus we do not exercise our free will in choosing not to have them, rather we practice free will in deciding what to do with them when they arise. There are several key points with regards to emotional intelligence that must be understood.

First of all, it’s important to realize that if God has created us with emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, etc., then they must serve a purpose that is ultimately to our benefit. In fact, research has shown that our well-being – how happy you are, how good you feel, etc. – is entirely a function of our emotional make-up. Keep in mind, much like everything else we were given, emotions were created to enhance healthy living but it also carries the potential of being abused.

Second of all, the emotional component is incapable of reason; instead, it requires our rational brain to reflect on the valuable emotional information it produces. For example, when you’re scared, you try to use that information to rationalize what you’re afraid of. It is the collaboration of emotion and reason that results in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Third of all, we use emotions to give meaning to things. People reflect on their emotional feelings to make sense of their experiences. For example, someone may create meaning via the feeling of calmness that they experience when sitting in a religious institution, and they may thus appreciate the experience in a manner that attributes the calmness coming from God. The emotional component indeed plays a major role in our convictions and worldviews, which is quite often neglected in debates and arguments. This is especially important with regards to da’wah (calling people to Islam); the most common da’wah method I see amongst da’iis (those who do da’wah), I would say it’s almost exclusively a rational approach. I personally do not advocate an entirely rational approach to da’wah as that would presuppose that humans are entirely rational creatures. Rather, we must appreciate that our emotions play an equally significant (if not more so) role in the decisions we make. Significantly, if you speak to people who accepted Islam, not everyone will agree that they converted because it was an entirely reasonable choice; many, for example, say it was because of the love they felt for Allah, Islam, or indeed, the Muslim community. Although the general Western population places a superior emphasis on “rationality” than anything else, do not neglect the person’s feelings in the process. The meaning they will construct following your da’wahengagement will almost certainly depend on the emotions they were feeling in the process.

Finally, the emotional component consists of two processes: the facility of experiencing emotions and the capacity to regulate it. Indeed, the over and under-regulation of emotions is a significant cause of psychological distress. Let’s take the core emotion of fear as an example, and briefly examine how the Prophet ﷺ regulated it. Fear is a powerful, adaptive emotion that screams “danger!” It quickly generates a tremendous amount of energy (hence, your heart is racing, adrenaline, etc.) so you can immediately seek protection. In the time of the Prophet ﷺ, there was one context that we’re sure was fear-invoking for his companions: war. How did the Prophet ﷺ show us how to regulate our fear in these unquestionably fearful times? Did he under-regulate it by staying at home in hiding, overcome by the need to protect himself? Did he over-regulate it by running towards the enemy on his own, without any consideration for his own being? Of course not, the Prophet ﷺ was instead the perfect example of emotional regulation. You see, fear is just a warning sign for danger, and this is an incredibly valuable emotional information; instead of attacking the enemy carelessly (ignoring the fear), or staying at home (overcome by fear), he put on body armor and planned his attacks precisely. Hence, fear is a valuable asset from Allah that tells us to be careful. We shouldn’t let it overpower us, nor should we ever ignore it.

This is obviously an enormous topic. Indeed, philosophers and scholars have discussed the significance of the emotional component for millennia. As such, there were but a few thoughts on the importance of emotions, and I pray in the future we can discuss specific emotions – anger, sadness, fear, and shame – individually by reflecting on their purpose and, significantly, their abuse.

Tarek Younis is a fourth year PhD/PsyD psychology student at the Université du Québec à Montréal, and a long-time community activist in Montréal, Canada. For more articles investigating the psychological configuration of Muslims, visit him at www.muslimpsyche.com

The main psychological reference for the above is:

Emotional Intelligence (EI), often measured as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), describes an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. It is a relatively new area of psychological research and the definition of EI is constantly changing. The publication of Daniel Goleman's best seller "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" made the term EI widely popular. Islam also does not lay much emphasis on hereditary intelligence but stresses acquisition of emotional intelligence ,which can be acquired 

Daniel Coleman defines EI ," Abilities which include self control, zeal and persistence and the ability to motivate oneself " 

Steve Hein defines EI as ,"The combination of innate emotional sensitivity with learned emotional management skills which together lead to long term happiness and survival" 

According to Few psychologist and philosophers emotional intelligence can be further divided into five domains 
1-Self Awareness 
2-Managing Emotions 
3-Motivating oneself 
4-Recognizing emotions in others 
5-Handling relationships 
(See Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Coleman, Page 43) 

Islam is not just a worship program, but a comprehensive, intelligent and practical life system. Islam respects all the different components of the human being equally and regulates them to their full potential, rather than suppressing them (which hurts the individual), or setting them completely uncontrolled (which causes damage to the community and environment). Emotions are given their due place of importance in all Islamic teachings as fundamental elements of the human soul. Islam teaches moderation in everything, aiming to create equilibrium so that one is always at peace with one's self, the universe, and Allah. It is advised to avoid extremes in negative or positive emotions, as any extremes are destructive if left uncontrolled. For example, extreme happiness leads to indulgence in excesses to give a false sense of 'celebration'. While extreme sadness leads to being destructive to one's self and others (as in committing suicide or causing pain to others). Emotional Intelligence features prominently in the Islamic code of conduct. Islam does not lay much emphasis on hereditary intelligence (IQ) but its focus is on emotional intelligence (EI) skills which modern research has proved to be acquired skills which could be learnt and practiced by everyone and which are the true measure of success in practical life. For example, anger management, social intelligence, empathy. 

Let's have some insight on the 'emotional wisdom' Islam gives us and makes us 'Emotionally Intelligent'. 

1-Knowing one's emotion's – Self Awareness : 
Recognizing a feeling as it happens – is the keystone of emotional intelligence. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions. 

Islam a great stress is laid on self awareness. A Holy Quran which says " 

وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ أُوْلَئِكَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ 

And be not like those who forsook Allah, so He made them forsake their own souls: these it is that are the transgressors. 
(Surah Al Hashr 59:19) 

This Ayat stresses that to know your creator better you must know yourself better. If we know our creator better then surely we will know ourselves better we will know our own discrepancies better and we will learn what makes us 'humans' , superior to Animals. 

Iqbal says 
" Khudi ko ker buland itna ke her taqdeer say pehlay..... 
Khuda banday say khud puchay bata taire raza kia hai" 
Emotions are controlled by our psychomotors and it is interesting to not that the psychomotors are in the most evident form mentioned in the holy Quran. And a greater stress is laid on controlling and knowing our emotions. 

Quran tells the humans that there are certain discrepancies in him that make his emotions go wild at that critical moment they have to think that this world is just a temporaty place where they will spend some time this is not a permanent place. 

An important concept relating to the concept of human nature from an Islamic perspective is fitra. Fitra refers to the primordial state of man- his natural condition and disposition. The optimistic view of human nature is rooted in this concept. Islam posits that the natural state of man is a positive and 'good' state – one in submission to God. This is related to the idea that all souls made a pledge with God before earthly existence, acknowledging Him as their Lord (Quran, 7:172). Even before we were born, or were conceived, our souls met with Allah. The spiritual aspect of every human has therefore already experienced the Divine. The defining experience of man in the Islamic perspective then, is not his physical aspect, but his spiritual aspect. This spiritual aspect of man is what the Quran, along with all spiritual traditions, appeals to. If early childhood experiences are considered to impact strongly on an individual's life (even if only unconsciously) as suggested by Freud, the impact of such an experience going back to a time even earlier, of course would be fundamental. According to an Islamic point of view this explains the instinct in all individuals for right and wrong, (although in some it may be buried more deeply than others). 
 
The religious emphasis is thus more on the inner experience than an externally imposed experience.. Due to the initial experience of union with God, a part of the individual seeks that union again. This quest is often begun with a search for the meaning of life. According to the Quran, the eternal aspect of each individual, the soul, is on a journey and passes through various stages in life. The end point of this journey though, as was the beginning, is God. 

In Quran we are told: 

"And now you have returned to Us alone, as We created you at first, leaving behind all that we bestowed on you." 
(Surah Al Anaam 6:94) 

2-Managing Emotions : 
Handling feelings so they are appropriate is an ability that builds on self awareness. People who are poor in this ability are constantly battling feelings of distress, while those who excel it can bounce back far more quickly from life's setbacks and upsets. 
In Islam the concept of Managing emotions is a pretty easy and simple one. The whole concept sums up in two easy points : 
-Look at the people below us in worldly matters 
-Look at the people above us in religious matters 

This simple set of rules for managing emotions gives us inner content with what we have and 'concentrate' on what is more important. Islam stresses on 'inner bliss' and 'satisfactions'. There are many who earn a living, but fail to earn a life. Islam first wants to stress more on life than living. And we have a accurate compass, no matter how many times we fall, we'll be contented that because we know where we are heading. 

'' Qadam hain rah e Ulfat main to manzil ke hawas kaise 
Yahan to ain manzil hai thakan say choor ho jana..........'' 


3-Motivating Oneself : 
Marshalling emotions in the service of goal is essential for paying attention, for self motivation and mastery and creativity. Emotional self-control –delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness—underlies accomplishment of every sort. And being able to get into the "flow" state enables outstanding performance of all kinds. People who have this skill tend to be more highly productive and effective in whatever they undertake. 

Daniel Goelman in his book "working with Emotional Intelligence" writes: 
"The single most striking finding from brain studies of people under stress –like giving a talk in front of a criticlal audience—shows the emotional brain at work in many ways that undermine the workings of the brain's executive center, the prefrontal lobes, located just behind the forehead.The prefrontal area is the site of "working memory", the capacity to pay attention and keep in mind whatever information is salient. Working with memory is vital for comprehension and understanding, planning and decision-making, reasoning and learning. 
When the mind is calm, working memory functions at its best. But when there is an emergency, the brain shifts into a self protective mode, stealing resources from working memory and shunting them to other brain sites in order to keep the senses hyper alert—a mental stance tailored for survival." 

In Islam if we see there is much broader and clear cut concept of time management. In The holy Quran Muslims are ordered to say their prayer many times and it is mentioned 
"For prayers are enjoined on believers at stated times" (Surah Al Nisa 4:103) 

And it is best to say the prayers at the early time to achieve excellence. 
Time Management begins with the concept of EXCELLENCE. 

"Excellence is to do your best within the available resources" 

There are thousands of such examples and incidents which explicitly speak of time management and excellence concept of ISLAM hence giving us a chance to put in our best and hence increase our EI. 

4-Recognizing emotions in others 
Empathy, another ability that builds on emotional self awareness, is the fundamental "people skill". As the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another's mode of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of emotional resonance. 

Putting oneself in others shoes is exactly what is described in the Holy quran 
"O you who believe why you say what you don't do yourselves' 

And also there is a hadith on the topic saying 
" None of you is a muslims until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself" 
(Sahih Bukhari) 

In the Prophet's life we can see all sorts of people coming to the prophet and getting their solved this was because the prophet was well aware of the emotions of others and what was going in their minds. This is why everyone who met The Prophet felt relieved when he left. We are also encouraged to pray for others that makes us feel for others. 

The Holy Prophet said, 
" Whole Muslim Ummah is like a single body. When one part of the body is hurt the whole body feels it". 

5-Handling relationships 
The art of handling relationships is, in large part, skill in managing emotions in other. In Islam there is a great stress laid on that. Islam binds us in a brotherhood, which has the principles of Equality and Love. When the Prophet came to Madinah he told people to Love each other and for that he told them the tool of 'Greetings'. Prophet SAW was the one who smiled the most and he never became angry. He told us to be kind to our servants and forgive them on their mistakes. Everyone from companions of the Prophet SAW felt that I am the closest to the Prophet. We are told to keep equality amongst our brothers. 

Prophet Muhammad S.A.W was undoubtedly the best in EI as Michael h Hart has to say in his book the hundreds "The only person supremely successful in both the religious and secular fields" 

Islam and Emotions ...

How does Islam view human emotions?” I received this very short question from one of my readers, and I thought the answer could fill a whole book. Let me share with you some insights and broad ideas on this important issue, and I encourage you to read more on each point, both online and from professional books and courses. What are Humans Made of? To be able to understand the value of emotions, we have to see them in context. As Muslims, we believe that God –Allah- created the universe, and gave it laws so it would run with such amazing precision. Among His beautiful creations, He also created people and gave them many traits: emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical, because He entrusted them with sustaining and protecting life on this planet, so in order to help them with their mission, The Creator sent them messengers to teach them how to live their lives within the laws of His universe. As God's final message to mankind, Islam is not just a worship program, but a comprehensive, intelligent and practical life system; because it respects all the different components of the human being equally, and regulates them to their full potential, rather than suppressing them (which hurts the individual), or setting them completely uncontrolled (which causes damage to the community and environment). Emotions are given their place of importance in all Islamic teachings as a fundamental element of the human soul, so let's explore how a Muslim is expected to handle emotions, both his own and those of others: Islam and Emotional Management: Emotional interaction is inevitable. We experience emotions constantly in our daily lives in relation to events and people. But, to what extent should we allow ourselves to affect and get affected? Islam teaches moderation in everything, aiming to create equilibrium so that one is always at peace with self, the universe, and God. It's advised to avoid extremes in negative or positive emotions, as any extremes are destructive if left uncontrolled: for example extreme happiness leads to indulgence in excesses to give a false sense of ‘celebration' (as in getting drunk or drugged), while extreme sadness leads to being destructive to self and others (as in committing suicide or causing pain to others). Here are some examples of emotional-related teachings in Islam: 1- Positive emotions : Emotions such as love, hope, enthusiasm, determination…etc are strongly encouraged in the Quran and teachings of The Prophet, as they result in a positive attitude for the Muslim at home, in public, and in relation to the rest of the world including all other creations. The Prophet teaches that no one's faith is complete until they love for others what they love for themselves, which is a very positive state of mind. Love is recognized and respected as the noblest emotion; however, in a man-woman relationship, it's regulated to assure building long-term bonds, rather than just satisfying momentary urges. 2- Negative emotions : Anger, depression, hate, envy…etc are strongly discouraged. A Muslim is advised to practice strict control over those destructive emotions, and to repent if they influenced deeds or attitudes towards others. To do so, one is expected to maintain strong ties with God, and to draw strength and support from Him at all times. If one believes there is an all-wise, all-knowing God running the universe and that everything happens for a good reason within a wise and just master plan, then there would be no reason for despair, envy or depression. 3- Emotional recycling A Muslim is instructed to take the negative energy of destructive emotions and use it as steam to move forward in a positive direction, thus turning it into positive energy. The same applies to the energy of excess positive emotions: instead of becoming euphoric or hysterical, one should re-channel this energy to use it for something constructive, rather than let it go to waste. 4- Emotional Interaction: No one could isolate themselves emotionally; consequently, Islam offers practical prescriptions for emotional interaction: a) Among people: We're instructed to control tongues and physical power when sad or angry. When we react emotionally it should be in a dignified and respectable way. The Prophet cried in sadness when he lost a son, yet refused to let people believe the sun eclipsed because of his sadness. We're not supposed to let emotions take control of our actions; instead, we should take control of our emotions. There is no excuse for causing hurt or destruction because one got “carried” away by emotions, for example killing while angry or raping while tempted. There are no softer penalties for these irresponsible actions in Islam, since destructive actions resulting from negative emotions can only create a vicious circle of more negativity and destruction, which disturbs the balance of God's peaceful universe. b) Between people and other creatures: We interact emotionally with other creatures in the universe as well, so we are expected to handle them with the same care and respect due to fellow humans. Psychological cruelty is a concern in Islam, even to animals! The Prophet himself cared for a bird's emotional distress, when, during a trip, some of his companions in his absence saw a bird's nest and took the young away. When the Prophet came back, the mother bird was circling above in the air beating its wings in grief, so he said: 'Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its young? Return them to her'. (Muslim) 5- Islam and Emotional Intelligence: Emotional Intelligence features prominently in the Islamic code of conduct, where there isn't much emphasis on hereditary intelligence (IQ), but the focus is on emotional intelligence skills (EQ) which modern research had proved to be acquired skills which could be learnt and practiced by everyone, and that they're the true measure of success in practical life. For example: anger management, social intelligence and empathy . There are many sayings of The Prophet to encourage being alerted, prudent, compassionate and emotionally strong, and considering those qualities as a mark of a true Muslim. So actually, the whole range of human emotions are recognized and respected under Islam. People are not denied being “human” and having their weak moments, they're allowed to experience all sorts of feelings, both good and bad, as long as they make a serious effort to regain their balance and composure and get back in control quickly. In short, Islam provides an applicable system for being wise and strong humans, who are in control of their feelings, and not the other way around. Related articles: We Are All in the Same Boat